DEATH OF OBESITY

I read an article the other day, a part of me was laughing and part of me had a tinge of sadness. The article was about the problems occurring with the burial of obese people.

Some cemetries can't cope with the rise in such burials as each person may have to take up two burial plots. I wondered if they did an offer of Buy One Get One Free? But then I thought no they can't do this as Gordon Brown's Government are about to outlaw such offers (as these offers are the cause of the obesity in the first place), and they would not want to be seen as discriminating against larger people. I later read that some local authorities are actually charging a surcharge on larger plots, and some have installed winches to lower the coffins into the ground!. Can you imagine sitting at the undertakers deciding what colour winch your departed would have wanted!

The shape of coffins is also having to change. Some caskets are now 'cigar-shaped', and one coffin manufacturer has changed the size of its standard coffin to be two inches wider and two inches longer.

Some coffins no longer fit inside a hearse and have to be transported by lorry.

Thinking about what I was reading I saw a major new opening for building companies, that in the recession have had to 'moth ball' themselves could now set up a new venture as Funeral Transportation Directors. The machinery that is no longer being used at the building site could be resprayed black and be given a new lease of life (excuse the pun) and be used for Funerals. JCB would have to rethink their colour scheme, black with yellow lettering rather than the present yellow with black lettering. They maybe able to apply to the Government for a 'Diversification Grant'
Then there are manufacturers of tower cranes who could help out with lifting gear. Ibergruas, a leading Tower Crane manufacturer could get involved. The lowering of the coffin from the flat bed truck could be done to music, of the deceased's choice. If you didn't fancy the indignity of a flat bed truck you could always have a digger that could hold you high in the air as it took you to your final resting place. This would actually save money as you would not require a crane as the digger could just tip you in to your grave.

I know that the subject is not a laughing matter and nor is obesity - so next time we sit filling our faces, watching TV, drinking that bottle of wine let us think of the JCB and the crane that may take us to our final resting place!