I had this picture sent to me today, which I thought was quite wonderful!
I just loved the wording.
I am a bit concerned about how the bench is floating on water though!
Saturday 20 February 2010
RETIREMENT FOR MEN
I had this picture sent to me today, which I thought was quite wonderful!
I just loved the wording.
I am a bit concerned about how the bench is floating on water though!
Friday 19 February 2010
SLEEP WALKING!
Last night my son, age 9, came down the stairs to my bedroom at 11pm (we live in a three storey house). He was fast asleep. And this is how the next five minutes went:
'Are you all right?' I asked
'Yes' he replied
He shut my bedroom door behind him, looking at it as though it had really irritated him. He turned round and asked
'Can you take me to my bedroom?'
'Yes' I replied, followed by 'but we are on the wrong floor at the moment, you need to go back upstairs'
Wrong thing to say. As far as he was concerned we were on the right floor of the house!. Grabbing my hand I was dragged with force into what he thought was his bedroom..but..no it was the bathroom.
Shaking his head in annoyance he flung his arm around and said 'Could you turn the light on please'. Good to hear the good manners even in a state of sleep.
The light went on. I explained that we were in the bathroom..but no he wouldn't have it.
'It's my bedroom and I need to go to sleep now'
Then this is the funny bit....he walked along a few feet put his leg up into the air as though he was climbing into bed, and actually it was the shower!. He stood there for a minute or two, said nothing, walked back out of the shower, into my bedroom and sat on the bed.
'Would you like me to take you to your bedroom now?' I asked
'Yes please' was the reply.
We walked up the stairs, he climbed into bed, fell asleep, and that was that.
This morning I asked if he had a good nights sleep, and he said 'yes, I was very tired'.
'Do you remember standing in the shower last night?' I asked. He looked at me as though I was a complete idiot!
Isn't sleep walking fun!
'Are you all right?' I asked
'Yes' he replied
He shut my bedroom door behind him, looking at it as though it had really irritated him. He turned round and asked
'Can you take me to my bedroom?'
'Yes' I replied, followed by 'but we are on the wrong floor at the moment, you need to go back upstairs'
Wrong thing to say. As far as he was concerned we were on the right floor of the house!. Grabbing my hand I was dragged with force into what he thought was his bedroom..but..no it was the bathroom.
Shaking his head in annoyance he flung his arm around and said 'Could you turn the light on please'. Good to hear the good manners even in a state of sleep.
The light went on. I explained that we were in the bathroom..but no he wouldn't have it.
'It's my bedroom and I need to go to sleep now'
Then this is the funny bit....he walked along a few feet put his leg up into the air as though he was climbing into bed, and actually it was the shower!. He stood there for a minute or two, said nothing, walked back out of the shower, into my bedroom and sat on the bed.
'Would you like me to take you to your bedroom now?' I asked
'Yes please' was the reply.
We walked up the stairs, he climbed into bed, fell asleep, and that was that.
This morning I asked if he had a good nights sleep, and he said 'yes, I was very tired'.
'Do you remember standing in the shower last night?' I asked. He looked at me as though I was a complete idiot!
Isn't sleep walking fun!
Wednesday 17 February 2010
LATEST CAR RADIO TECHNOLOGY
Designers have come up with the very latest car radio.
You actually ask the radio what you want it to play. I went to test out this new technology.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Micheal' the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Jackson or Ball?'
'Jackson!' he continued, followed by the word 'Thriller' and Micheal Jacksons Thriller came from the radio speakers.
Then he said, 'John Denver - Grandma!', and in an instant
'Grandma's Feather Bed' replaced Micheal Jackson..
The test drive continued with me feeling very impressed with the new technology.
Then suddenly a man swung out of a side road (yes a man...No not a woman)and nearly hit the side of the car I was driving. I yelled out 'Ass Hole' and the radio responded instantly with:
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister of Great Britain,
Mr. Gordon Brown......."
How cool is technology!
You actually ask the radio what you want it to play. I went to test out this new technology.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Micheal' the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Jackson or Ball?'
'Jackson!' he continued, followed by the word 'Thriller' and Micheal Jacksons Thriller came from the radio speakers.
Then he said, 'John Denver - Grandma!', and in an instant
'Grandma's Feather Bed' replaced Micheal Jackson..
The test drive continued with me feeling very impressed with the new technology.
Then suddenly a man swung out of a side road (yes a man...No not a woman)and nearly hit the side of the car I was driving. I yelled out 'Ass Hole' and the radio responded instantly with:
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister of Great Britain,
Mr. Gordon Brown......."
How cool is technology!
Monday 15 February 2010
ADOPT A TERRORIST
I read the following today. How true it is I don't know:
A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being
held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply:
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces
who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are
currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National
Correctional System facilities..
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were
heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of
National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers'
program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared
for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
complaint..
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.. We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him
overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next
yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless
(in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property..
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress
code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over
time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and
religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow
man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,
*****************
Minister of National Defence
A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being
held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply:
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces
who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are
currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National
Correctional System facilities..
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were
heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of
National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers'
program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared
for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
complaint..
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.. We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him
overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next
yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless
(in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property..
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress
code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over
time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and
religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow
man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,
*****************
Minister of National Defence
Monday 8 February 2010
DETAILS OF THE WOOTON BASSET BIKE RUN
A bit more detail for the run, their Facebook page has the most up to date details. Hope any bikers support it.
Sunday 14th March 2010
The ride will be starting at Leigh Delamere Service Station J17 (eastbound) of the M4. Please start arriving from 10:30am.
Each rider will pay £5 and receive an Afghan Heroes wristband, which will be their entry pass to RAF Lyneham. The lead riders will be leaving at 12 noon promptly. The route will be along the M4 to J16 before heading along the A-Roads towards Wootton Bassett. We will be riding through at a slow speed before continuing along to RAF Lyneham. We are honored that they are opening their gates for us and refreshments will be available.
All those attending RAF Lyneham will require to pre register giving Name, Address, DOB and Bike Registration. This is to enable security clearance to be carried out by the RAF. REGISTRATION CLOSES MONDAY 15TH FEBRUARY 2010. Anyone who does not register WILL NOT be allowed onto RAF Lyneham.
Registration will be through a secure site, this will be posted out on Monday.
We will be riding to RAF Lyneham where there will be a presentation to hand over the funds raised for the Afghan Heroes Charity, set up last September by a group of mothers who lost their sons in Afghanistan.
IF YOU KNOW OF ANY BIKERS WHO WISH TO ATTEND THE RIDE WHO HAVEN’T REGISTERED ON FACEBOOK CAN YOU ENSURE THAT THEY REGISTER ON THE SECURE SITE.
www.afghanheroes.org.uk/bikersevent.asp
Sunday 14th March 2010
The ride will be starting at Leigh Delamere Service Station J17 (eastbound) of the M4. Please start arriving from 10:30am.
Each rider will pay £5 and receive an Afghan Heroes wristband, which will be their entry pass to RAF Lyneham. The lead riders will be leaving at 12 noon promptly. The route will be along the M4 to J16 before heading along the A-Roads towards Wootton Bassett. We will be riding through at a slow speed before continuing along to RAF Lyneham. We are honored that they are opening their gates for us and refreshments will be available.
All those attending RAF Lyneham will require to pre register giving Name, Address, DOB and Bike Registration. This is to enable security clearance to be carried out by the RAF. REGISTRATION CLOSES MONDAY 15TH FEBRUARY 2010. Anyone who does not register WILL NOT be allowed onto RAF Lyneham.
Registration will be through a secure site, this will be posted out on Monday.
We will be riding to RAF Lyneham where there will be a presentation to hand over the funds raised for the Afghan Heroes Charity, set up last September by a group of mothers who lost their sons in Afghanistan.
IF YOU KNOW OF ANY BIKERS WHO WISH TO ATTEND THE RIDE WHO HAVEN’T REGISTERED ON FACEBOOK CAN YOU ENSURE THAT THEY REGISTER ON THE SECURE SITE.
www.afghanheroes.org.uk/bikersevent.asp
Facebook | Bike Run in support of Wootton Bassett: Sunday 14th March 2010
Facebook | Bike Run in support of Wootton Bassett: Sunday 14th March 2010: "www.bmycharity.com/rtwb2010
For any bikers out there this maybe something that you would like to take part in.
I believe that so far 10,000 bikers have signed up for the bike run.
For any bikers out there this maybe something that you would like to take part in.
I believe that so far 10,000 bikers have signed up for the bike run.
Saturday 6 February 2010
SEX AT 70
I was in town yesterday doing the usual shopping with my 'spendaholic' son when I over heard two senior (it isn't PC to say old nowadays!) men having a conversation.
They did all the normal stuff, state of the country, price of petrol, how small their pension was etc,etc. I listened for a while but then they just became a background noise.
After a further five minutes of conversation one of them did a very loud 'Phew'. He had sounded so relieved that I just had to return to listening to their conversation, and this is how it continued. I will start it from the 'Phew':
"Phew" . . . . . . .
followed by a short pause (to get his breath back I think). He continued...
"I have just found out I can still have sex at 70"
Well now my ears were on full listening power. The conversation continued...
"I am so relieved because . . . . . "
Yes this conversation was getting really interesting now.He continued
"as I only live at no 66"
I wasn't quite sure where this conversation was going. He continued...
"it's not far to walk home"
I had to laugh!
They did all the normal stuff, state of the country, price of petrol, how small their pension was etc,etc. I listened for a while but then they just became a background noise.
After a further five minutes of conversation one of them did a very loud 'Phew'. He had sounded so relieved that I just had to return to listening to their conversation, and this is how it continued. I will start it from the 'Phew':
"Phew" . . . . . . .
followed by a short pause (to get his breath back I think). He continued...
"I have just found out I can still have sex at 70"
Well now my ears were on full listening power. The conversation continued...
"I am so relieved because . . . . . "
Yes this conversation was getting really interesting now.He continued
"as I only live at no 66"
I wasn't quite sure where this conversation was going. He continued...
"it's not far to walk home"
I had to laugh!
Wednesday 3 February 2010
OH TO BE A TEACHER!
A primary school teacher was teaching a class of seven year olds and they were studying the sense of taste.
The children were each given a packet of sweets. They were asked to use the colour of the sweets to help identify what the flavour was.
They started with the colour red which was used to represent the flavour of Cherries. This was followed by Yellow for Lemon, Green for Lime and Orange for, yes you have guessed it,Orange.
As a final treat the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.None
of the children could identify the taste.
To help the children the teacher gave them a clue. The teacher said, "It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father"
The children thought for a while. Then one little girl looked up in horror, spat out her Lifesaver sweet and yelled "Oh my God, its an ass-hole"!
Oh to be a teacher!
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